


Christina's Revenge

by TMar



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 04:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16569398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TMar/pseuds/TMar
Summary: Christina came with O'Brien to Deep Space Nine. She gets loose and goes for a stroll around the station.





	Christina's Revenge

**Author's Note:**

> Christina is O'Brien's tarantula. My friends and I must have been high when coming up with these story ideas. This one is from December 1993, so before Odo discovered he was a Founder, before the Dominion War, etc.

CHRISTINA'S REVENGE

Commander Benjamin Sisko of the United Federation of Planets was giving his  
standard lecture. "Constable, you realise that this is only a rumour. If you  
are caught, or... damaged at all, both Bajor and the Federation will deny that  
you were ever sent on this... assignment."

"Yes, I am well aware of that," Security Chief Odo replied.

"I personally don't think that the Cardassians are holding anybody -  
human, Bajoran or shapeshifter. You're risking your life on a very shaky  
proposition."

"Commander, you know my need to find someone - something - to connect me  
to my origins. If the Cardassians are holding a shapeshifter, that brings me  
closer to my goal. I have to go."

Sisko sighed, knowing that he'd never talk Odo out of this. He just  
wished he could go with him, for in some ways his security chief was very  
naive. One was his insistence on checking out every possible lead to his  
origins. And yet... Benjamin Sisko understood. "I know you have to go,  
Constable. Please be careful."

Odo recognised the look in the human's eye. It was deep concern, and he  
knew he couldn't go without saying something to allay Sisko's fears. "I'm the  
perfect one for this... assignment, Commander. You and I both know that. The  
Cardassians say they released all their prisoners of war - how do we know  
that's true? Even if I don't find another of my kind, maybe I'll find out  
something else. Something that will save lives."

Sisko nodded. "Yes, yes, you're right of course." He offered Odo his  
hand. "Good luck."

Odo took it. "Thank you. Oh, and Commander..." He paused, halfway out of  
the door.

"Yes?"

"Please watch Quark carefully. I know we can't admit to this assignment,  
but Quark will notice my absence, and he's sure to try something shady. Make  
sure he doesn't."

Sisko smiled, privately thinking that while Quark was a slight nuisance,  
he wasn't nearly the threat that Odo made him out to be... well, not that  
often, anyway. "Understood."

As he watched his office doors close behind the shapeshifter, Sisko hoped  
that Odo would find what he was looking for.

***

"Keiko, have you seen Christina?" Miles O'Brien asked his long-suffering wife  
as he looked under beds, tables and his socks for his pet spider. 

"No, Miles," Keiko yelled from the bathroom.

"She's run off, then. We have to find her. One of our alien guests might  
decide she'll make a nice dinner!" O'Brien's voice rose, concern for his  
spider making him edgy.

"Can't you scan for her?" called Keiko again.

"You know these Cardassian sensors don't work properly," he called back.  
"Come on, Christina, come out." But Christina was having her own adventure,  
exploring station Deep Space Nine.

***

"Brother!" Romm called to Quark excitedly, "I just got a transmission from  
those Orion traders you were negotiating with! They say they'll be docking in  
four days, and they've brought the price of the ROMULAN ALE down to..."

"Quiet!" Quark clapped his hand over Romm's mouth. "Do you want the whole  
station to hear you?"

Romm bowed his head. "No, Brother."

"Then listen carefully. We must make sure that Odo doesn't find out about  
this. Romulan Ale is illegal."

"But, Brother, the Federation -- "

"Oh, the Federation. They turn a blind eye because people like the stuff  
so much. We know what they do with it when they confiscate it, but that's not  
the point. If Odo finds out you know where the ale will be, don't you?" He  
looked at Romm, whose face showed he clearly did not know where the ale would  
end up. Quark smacked his brother alongside the head. "It'll be out the  
nearest airlock, you fool. Do you understand? Say nothing to anyone!"

"Yes, Brother."

***

It had been two days since Odo had departed, and Sisko had heard nothing - not  
that he'd expected to. He was having dessert in Quark's with his best friend  
when he noticed something strange. Quark was walking around scrutinising  
everything. As he noticed a chair out of place, he kicked it. "Owww!" he  
yelped, then looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Sisko and Dax made  
a show of conversation, though Dax's tolerant smile betrayed her.

"What's Quark doing?" she whispered to Sisko, who was beginning to find  
it amusing as well.

"I don't know," smiled Sisko, whose smile grew into a devilish grin when  
Quark noticed a glass on a table that had not been there a moment ago. The  
pair had seen an Andorian put it down, but Quark had not. He grabbed the  
glass, looked at it carefully, and then smashed it into a million pieces on  
the floor. This time neither Sisko nor Dax made any pretense of not staring.

Quark turned to find them looking at him, condescending - or so he  
thought - looks on their faces. "I don't like glasses that shape!" he finally  
said. "Romm!" His brother came scurrying up. "Don't ever replicate glasses  
that shape again!" With that, he stormed off. Sisko and Dax looked at each  
other, shrugged, and continued eating. 

***

Doctor Julian Bashir was discussing some points of organisation with Major  
Kira in the same place a day later when they noticed the same behaviour. This  
time Quark picked up a rag that Romm had put there a minute before, and began  
pulling it this way and that and tying knots in it. Finally he began slapping  
it onto the bar. Then he threw it on the floor and jumped on it. Satisfied,  
he moved off, not seeing Romm find the rag and look around in confusion. 

When Quark tried the same thing - this time with an abandoned jacket -  
fifteen minutes later, Kira thought the time had come to step in. "Quark!" she  
barked, startling the Ferengi, who dropped the jacket like a guilty child.

"What can I do for you, Major? Come to try your hand at the tables? Want  
to try a Holosuite? I could find a perfect program for you and the doctor over  
there." 

"You know very well we're discussing business, but what I want to know  
is, what are you doing?"

"Doing? I'm not doing anything. What could I be doing?" he stammered  
under Kira's scrutiny.

"Don't give me that. Tell me why you're mauling someone's personal  
property."

"Ah..." Quark thought quickly. "Ah... To prove to them that they  
shouldn't leave their clothes lying around!" he finished triumphantly. 

"What a way to do it!" Kira sighed in disgust and returned to her  
discussion with the station's medical officer.

"What did he say?" asked Bashir.

"Something to the effect that people shouldn't leave their clothes lying  
around."

"You know," said Julian thoughtfully, "Jadzia mentioned something like  
this to me yesterday. She said that Quark kicked a chair that was out of  
place, and smashed a glass on the floor. When he saw them looking at him, he  
said he didn't like the shape of the glass."

"You think something's wrong with Quark?"

"I don't know. I don't recall reading anything about it in the Ferengi  
medical files, but it could be worth checking."

"You do that," said Kira, not exactly overly concerned about the  
Ferengi's welfare.

***

Bashir didn't find anything that might explain Quark's odd behaviour, so he  
decided to take the bull by the horns and marched into Quark's armed with his  
medical tricorder.

"You want to take readings on me? Why? I'm as healthy as a... a Klingon  
targ!" Quark protested.

"Well, you have been acting a bit odd lately," Julian pointed out.

"Odd? Me acting odd? Nonsense!"

"Just a little scan, and I'll leave you alone." To get what you wanted  
from a Ferengi: bargain like a Ferengi.

"You promise?" Quark still didn't sound too sure.

"Promise." Bashir held up the scanner. 

"Oh, all right."

Bashir quickly scanned Quark, but to his disappointment he discovered  
that Quark was right: he was fine. He seemed to be showing a little stress,  
but nothing that would make him imagine things that weren't there. Bashir  
looked at Quark seriously. "I've found the problem," he announced.

"What? What?" Not for one moment had it occurred to Quark that anything  
would ever go wrong with him. "Well, don't just stand there, tell me!"

"You're a Ferengi," Julian informed him, then smiled. "Seriously, you're  
fine." He strolled off unconcernedly, not noticing a Bajoran security guard  
physically preventing Quark from attacking him.

***

Ferengi weren't often given to nightmares, but by this time Quark was having  
some. He tried to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes he found Odo  
looming over him demanding the Romulan ale. This particular dream was no  
different. He imagined he was at Quark's, leaning on the bar. The bar turned  
into Odo and began saying, "The ale! I know you have it! Give me the ale!"  
Quark backed away from Odo into Chief O'Brien, who morphed into the security  
chief. "I want that ale." Then, one of his exotic employees began to soothe  
him with oomox, and he calmed down... until he discovered that the hands on  
his ears belonged to... Odo! 

He woke up screaming, and heard his door chiming over and over. "What!?" he yelled.

"Brother, what is it?" Romm was calling.

"Nothing. Go away."

When Romm had departed, Quark tried to rationalise his fears. There had  
to be a reason why he had not seen Odo for the last few days. He hadn't heard  
of Odo going anywhere, so the only other thing the Constable could be doing  
was... spying on him, waiting for him to make the mistake of thinking he was  
safe.

"You won't catch me, Odo," Quark vowed. "I'll figure out what you're  
masquerading as, and then I'll make you pay!"

***

Christina had explored many areas of the station, but so far this one  
particular area was the most interesting. She found crumbs of food - exotic  
food - on the floor, and strange-tasting liquids. This was a most interesting  
place. Christina found a dark cranny to lurk in while waiting for more of the  
interesting foods and liquids to be spilt. The next day, the strange-looking  
man with the big ears dropped some food on the floor and smashed the plate.

Seeing the food - it tasted almost as good as the live prey that her friend  
Chief O'Brien gave her - Christina made a dash for it, only to have the big-  
eared man's foot come down next to her. He picked her up, and looked at her,  
turning her over. "All right, Odo," he finally said. "This is your worst  
disguise yet. I know there aren't any arachnids on Deep Space Nine! Come on,  
change back. You're not going to find anything out."

What a strange being, thought Christina. The tone of voice he was using  
was not very friendly, and Christina fought to get away. But the big-eared man  
would not release her. He kept talking to her, using the word "Odo" a lot.

Finally he put her on the bar and placed a large bowl over her. Trapped,  
thought Christina. She hoped that her friend Chief O'Brien would come soon and  
rescue her. Quark went off, leaving Christina there. Which perhaps wasn't the  
best idea, because Nog came along, and stared into the bowl. They had been  
studying arachnids at school, and here was one! Thinking that Jake had  
acquired it as a surprise, Nog lifted up the bowl and scooped Christina up.

"An arachnid!" he said in delight. 

Escape - it's a small one! thought Christina, fighting to get away, and  
succeeding. She jumped from Nog's hand onto the bar, crawled down the side,  
and rushed into her little cranny.

Nog, not having realised how fast the things were, stood there looking  
startled for a while, and then went in search of Jake to tell him that the  
arachnid had escaped.

***

Quark, meanwhile, went up to Ops, most disgusted. He was going to tell Sisko  
off for allowing Odo to use such a flimsy disguise to spy on him. All he  
needed was one more day before the ale arrived. If only he could hold off Odo  
that long. He stormed into Sisko's office. "Your plan won't work," he told the  
commander.

"What?" asked Sisko, not in the least surprised that he didn't know what  
Quark was talking about.

"I know you've got Odo spying on me. Well, it won't work. I've caught  
him." A Ferengi grin (evil) spread over his face.

"Quark, what are you babbling about?"

"Don't pretend to me. You sent Odo to spy on me. Well, I found him out  
and I captured him."

Sisko stood up, Quark's odd behaviour for the past few days suddenly  
making sense. He'd thought all those objects were Odo. But Sisko couldn't tell  
Quark that Odo wasn't on the station, of course, so he asked, "What do you  
mean, you've captured him?"

"He turned into one of those crawly, eight-legged things, and I caught  
him."

"You found a spider in Quark's?"

"Yes, yes. Come and look if you don't believe me."

***

But of course, when they got there, Christina was long gone. "No! He was here!  
He's hiding again!" Quark shouted. "He escaped!"

"I'm certain that the spider wasn't Odo," said Sisko in his most soothing  
voice. He'd never seen the Ferengi this agitated. His behaviour bordered on  
paranoia.

Just then, Christina saw her friend come in and dashed towards him, which  
was precisely the moment that Quark noticed her. 

He reached down and grabbed her up. "See!" Quark said to a startled Sisko. "Now tell him to change back."

"Uh... Quark," said Sisko patiently. "That isn't Odo."

By now Christina had had quite enough of this big-eared lunatic. She was  
angry. She wanted Chief O'Brien. She bit Quark. 

Quark dropped her - luckily over the bar. "Aaah! He bit me! Odo bit me!"

This attracted O'Brien's attention. He looked over to see Christina scurrying  
away. "Christina!" he called, running over and picking her up. "Christina, are  
you all right, love?" he soothed the spider.

Christina sat still, happy to be with her friend again and away from the  
maniac. O'Brien grinned at Quark and Sisko. "I've been looking everywhere for  
her. She got loose three days ago." Murmuring sweet nothings to Christina, he  
moved off, past Jake and Nog, who had come to find out who the spider really  
belonged to. 

"See, I told you it wasn't mine!" said Jake triumphantly to Nog. "It's Chief O'Brien's pet, Christina. Remember, he told us he'd show her to us sometime." The boys moved off, past a stunned Quark.

"It's not Odo," said Quark to himself.

"I told you," said Sisko unsympathetically. 

Then Quark realised his problem. "It bit me! I'm going to die!"

Sisko tapped his comm badge. "Doctor Bashir to Quark's."

***

Bashir, grinning from ear to ear, scanned Quark. "She's not poisonous. Well,  
not to humanoids our size, anyway. You might have some pain around the bite,  
but you'll be fine."

"Pain! It bit me! Are you sure she's not poisonous to Ferengi?"

Julian patted Quark's shoulder. "Positive."

Quark then turned to Sisko. "I demand that... that thing be removed from  
DS9," he said. "It's hazardous."

"It's Chief O'Brien's pet," said Sisko, another grin beginning. "I'm  
afraid I can't ask him to get rid of it. Of course," he said as he noticed  
O'Brien returning, "he will have to make sure it doesn't get loose again."

"Oh, no problem, Commander," O'Brien smiled. He was just happy to see  
Christina was all right. He hoped she wouldn't suffer any psychological damage  
after being manhandled by a Ferengi.

***

When Quark's had quietened down, the Ferengi contacted the Orion ship. "I  
don't want the Romulan ale," he said.

"Afraid of taking a few risks?" asked the trader.

"I've decided your price is not acceptable," retorted Quark, closing the  
channel. Then he sat back, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. The ale  
would have brought him a nice profit, but it just wasn't worth the agitation.  
At least now it didn't matter if Odo was a chair, or a rag, a wine bottle or  
even a spider. He didn't have to worry about Odo watching him - for once, the  
Ferengi had a clear conscience.

***

Five days later Odo was back. He and Sisko were surveying the Promenade and  
quietly discussing the outcome of his mission (or assignment as Odo  
euphemistically insisted on calling it). "No other shapeshifter?" Sisko asked.

"None. Nor any prisoners of war. I did see a Cardassian report that the  
last prisoners had either seen sent back or killed after their abortive  
attempt to invade Minos Korva."

"I'm sorry, Constable," said Sisko. 

"I'll keep looking," replied Odo as they came to a halt outside Quark's.

Quark noticed them and strolled up with a casual air. "Commander. Odo.  
How nice to see you." He sounded anything but sincere. 

"The Constable has just returned," Sisko offered. They couldn't say from  
where, of course. 

"Really," said Quark. "Why were you away?"

"Needed a holiday," replied Odo. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd  
plan something if you knew. So..." he mused, "did you miss me?"

"Miss you?" asked Quark, feigning outrage. "I didn't even realise you  
were gone!"

THE END


End file.
